They Don't Have to Like You. They have to Trust You.

In dance education (and honestly, in life) there’s often this quiet pressure to be liked; to be the “fun” teacher. The easygoing leader. The one who never ruffles feathers, always says yes, and keeps things light.

Particularly in spaces where we work closely with kids and families, it’s easy to fall into the habit of people-pleasing. We want students to enjoy class. We want parents to feel heard. We want coworkers to think we’re easy to work with. We’re human-- of course we want to be liked.

Here’s the hard-earned truth:

Being liked is not the same as being trusted.

If we’re doing this work with integrity, trust is the thing we should strive for.

What builds trust?

It’s not charisma. Not popularity. Not performative “niceness.”

Trust is built through consistency. Through honesty. Through calm and steady leadership, even when it’s not the most comfortable or convenient path.

Students trust teachers who follow through. Who mean what they say and say what they mean.

Parents trust educators who hold boundaries with kindness and clarity.

Colleagues trust leaders who are transparent, fair, rooted in their values, and not swayed by pressure or popularity.

This brings us to a core philosophy I come back to often in my own teaching and leadership: Be kind, not just nice.

“Kind” vs. “Nice”

Nice is about keeping the peace.

Kindness is about keeping your integrity.

Nice avoids conflict.

Kindness leans in with grace.

Nice says “yes” to stay liked.

Kindness says “no” with care.

Kindness is what allows us to set boundaries without guilt. It’s what allows us to say to a student, “I’m not going to lower the bar, because I believe in what you’re capable of.” Or to a parent, “I hear your concerns, and I’m still holding this policy for the sake of the group.”

It’s not always easy. It’s not always received with a smile. However, when we lead from kindness, not from fear of being disliked, we teach others what safety and trust actually look like.

Boundaries are not barriers.

They’re invitations. They create a space where everyone knows what to expect, and where everyone is protected.

Clear expectations reduce confusion.

Follow-through builds credibility.

Consistency creates safety.

Over time, students and families who initially push back tend to settle in. Some may even come back years later to say: “You were tough, but I trusted you. I knew you wouldn’t let me fail.”

That’s the long game of leadership.

You’re not here to be everyone’s favorite.

You’re here to be trustworthy.

While being liked might feel good in the moment, being trusted is what makes the difference in the long run—for your students, your team, and your own sustainability as an educator.

Hold the boundary. Be kind. Stay clear.

The ones who need it most will thank you eventually.

What are some ways you’ve learned to hold your boundaries while staying connected to your students? I’d love to hear how you’ve navigated the dance between kindness, clarity, and leadership in your own teaching spaces.